Bang Bang' Goes the Snake
by S. Flook
Summary: Two things were common knowledge around Hogwarts; Slytherins threw the best parties and Draco Malfoy had Daddy-issues. HPDM, sex, drugs, rock n' roll.


Songs used:

I Like to Fuck – Tila Tequila

I Like That – Static Revenger and Richard Vission ft. Luciana

Alors on Danse – Stromae ft. Kanye West

Milkshake - Kelis

Tonight (I'm Lovin' You) – Enrique Iglesias ft. Pitbull

More – Usher

Higher – Taio Cruz

A/N: Please excuse any grammatical/stupid errors in my Spanish; the language is my third and thus a bit rusty.

'Bang Bang' Goes the Snake

'_Faces down, asses up, that's the way I like to fuck…'_

"…Draco…"

'_A shot of tequila get's 'em pretty hot...' _

"…Draco!"

Draco jerked off his headphones and peered upwards at his friend Blaise, annoyed at the rude interruption.

"Merlin, your music is so fucking loud!"

"Is there a reason you're talking to me right now? Unless it's pertaining to Pansy 'acing' another potions test, I'm not interested." Draco huffed; he didn't enjoy getting pissed off at his best mate, but his day had been nothing short of a disaster.

It started off normal: joint-potions with Gryffindor where he tormented the Weasel and the mud-blood whilst rapidly throwing insults at Potter. However, unlike previous years, 6th years were expected to at least come up with creative offenses. It was just not Draco's day for verbal abuse. He would _never_ admit it to the Potter-Head, but he had his ass handed to him on a silver platter as far as holding up jeers. After his usually-favorite-class, Draco spent his precious transition time getting hit on by Flint, stared at lustfully by Oliver Wood (ironically), flirted with by a few brave Ravenclaws, and gossiped about by some Hufflepuffs.

The next classes passed by slowly; his usual meeting with Nott in Myrtle's bathroom passed without incident. Moaning Myrtle was accustomed to seeing Malfoy in there with numerous people, normally male. The real event that crushed Draco's day was his father cutting off his money supply temporarily. Apparently, partying and homosexuality still didn't fly in the Malfoy family. Being the only son in a proud, shrinking clan, Draco understood his punishment.

Unfortunately, that didn't mean he was tolerant of it.

"…heard she was sleeping with Snape again… I mean, who would do that?" Blaise drawled on as Draco's attention snapped into focus.

"What the hell? She's sleeping with teachers now?" the blonde's face contorted with a mixture of amusement and disgust.

Blaise laughed, "You haven't heard? She's almost as much of a manwhore as you!"

They shared a snicker and thought, _'as if that's possible._'

Blaise and Draco had experienced a myriad of under-influenced hook-ups, however they knew each other well enough to stave off awkwardness and embrace the casual sex each of them so desperately craved.

Nobody would deny that Draco Malfoy was one of the most wanted boys in the school; his pointed features, platinum hair, fantastic ass and overall physique oozed sex appeal. After his father was in Azkaban, he returned to find his son hooking up with numerous boys, and a few females. Particularly the eve of Lucius's return, he walked in to find his son blowing Blaise with empty Vodka bottles thrown about the room.

To say that his father was mad would be an understatement; he was livid. After a month of not talking to each other, and despising each other's presence, Narcissa finally convinced Lucius and Draco to come to a compromise. Draco cared about two things:

Escaping while 'living-it-up' and getting intimate with as many people as he wanted, because he could.

On the flip side, Lucius cared about a different set of two:

His only child staying alive and producing an heir.

When no compromise was reached, both sides stubbornly sat in a stalemate. Finally, his parents came to a conclusion. Until he 'shaped-up,' Draco would have limited funding and would have to come home for breaks.

In spite of these decisions, Draco came to Hogwarts full-force and fueled with teenage rebellion.

And so there he was, sitting in the Slytherin common room with Blaise, Nott, Flint, Pansy, and an assortment of other party-goers, planning another legendary and unforgettable bash. Blaise and Pansy were in charge of gathering the 'goods,' Nott was in charge of the actual details, and Flint was always in charge of dictating what the other Slytherins did to help prepare. Malfoy was in control in spreading the word.

Slytherin Parties were never boring, uneventful, or sober. They were often dirty and primal, infused with DJ's music blaring, narcotics, and the classical hard alcohol. As much as Draco despised muggles, he could thank them for making the parties such a success.

"Where are we going to get the weed? I can't ask my dealer, he'd never get enough in time…"

"We can combine both of our dealers, maybe throw in Draco's and we'd have plenty."

"I guess, we'll be sharing blunts and shit anyway… Draco, can you steal more alcohol from your parent's house?" Pansy inquired dully.

Not even looking up he replied, "Yeah, there's so much I doubt they'd notice that **more** was missing."

Both Blaise and Pansy shared a triumphant high-five as they went off planning the rest of the 'fun' to be had.

The party was to be held in the Room of Requirement, specially thought of by Nott to suit all of their needs. Alcohol and (at the very least) bud was guaranteed, the DJ was accounted for and working on a playlist, and all that was needed was to get the word out. Once a Slytherin party was announced, it didn't take long for _everyone_ to hear about it. Really, Draco had the easiest job.

The fun was deciding who to tell first. He let it 'slip' to Neville Longbottom one time, and it took significantly longer to spread due to the boy's nervous nature. Luckily, he didn't have to worry about anyone telling a teacher, because there was never proof, and no one wanted to be the one ostracized for causing such a large number of expulsions.

'_I could tell Potter…'_ Draco thought curiously. Last party, Ginny had been draped over Harry the whole time, and didn't let him do anything that would compromise his quidditch career or her innocence. Anyone could tell that Harry was dying to discover the 'magic' of weed and alcohol, but settled on secondhand high and sips of beer.

However, now that they were broken up, Harry would be dying to attend. Coupled with the fact that Harry's hormones kicked in, and realized how _fucking_ sexy Draco Malfoy was, there'd be no doubt he show up.

Oh, Draco always noticed when he received a new lustful gaze. During potions, aside from taunting, he often caught Potter staring directly at him, or at his ass. Being both curious of his own emotions and accepting a new challenge, Malfoy would 'drop' something, and make sure to bend over slowly and throw a smirk at Harry. This action would result in blushing, and a quick head turn away from the scarred boy.

It also brought unwanted attention from anyone else in joint-potions who happened to be watching Draco's rear.

Making up his mind to interject his regular insults with an invitation, the blonde made his way up to the showers and bed.

_**'I like your dirty mind, mine's on it all the time… My body rocks the rhythm, you beat my drum hard.'**_

"Buzz off Malfoy; I'm not in the mood." Harry snapped the next morning, suffering through another double period with Slytherin.

Draco mocked concern, "Oh… That's too bad Potter, guess you aren't going to come to _la fiesta de Slytherin? A el fin de semaña?_"

Harry froze, but turned around confused.

"Since when do you speak Spanish?"

"Since you asked. Anyway, I suppose I'll go ask the Weasel-ette if she wants to come to the party, since she's obviously in a better mood." Malfoy was taunting him, and his empty threat was obvious. Harry knew better than to think that the pointed-faced-gitt would go anywhere near Ron or Ginny's family. As obvious as the tease was, Harry took the bait.

"No, you don't need to tell her. Maybe I'll consider going even."

Draco smirked. At least the two boys had common ground of wanting to avoid the youngest Weasley.

"Alright then _Potter,_ you know what to do."

"Get out of here _Malfoy,_ wouldn't want someone thinking we were getting along."

And the boys split.

As Malfoy headed over to his next class, he imagined his father's face after finding out his son had made a plan to plow the Boy Who Lived.

**_'Flashing lights, the stress of life, it's way too much to handle in one night… Alors on Danse.'_**

It was the morning of the party, and Harry had done a spectacular job of spreading the news. In fact, all he had to do was tell Dean and the Weasley twins, and then the party was all that was being discussed. Girls were talking about what they were going to wear, and boys were debating which girls to hook up with. Some people were going to bring their own 'stuff,' just in case the tricky Slytherins laced the goods. Everyone knows the Snakes party the hardest.

"You have four large tests coming up, you can't go to that party!" Hermoine told her best friend.

Harry didn't need much of a defense, "Don't tell me you, Hermoine, aren't going to that party."

"Well… I was thinking about not… Ron, you're in the same position as Harry!"

"Yeah... But I have to go with him on this one. This thing is going to be huge and really, no one **isn't** going Herm." Ron stumbled through his sentence, awkwardly as usual.

Hermoine looked somewhat defeated. "Don't call me that, and fine, but I am not helping either of you study."

Both boys nodded eagerly, acting as if they just received permission from a parental figure.

Harry wasn't so sure about the party tonight; his newly found lust for _Malfoy_ of all people lead him to believe that he was going insane. What is there to like about that foul-mouthed creature? Aside from his ass… face… build… He shook himself violently from the grips of teenage hormones. Draco Malfoy, the "Boy Who Laid," sluttier than all the girls and boys, and who can forget the rumored '_legendary_' blowjobs? According to **everyone**, Draco was the best in bed. Hands down; didn't even matter top or bottom. Then there was Harry, only experienced in girls, and thought he was straight as a board until he broke up with Ginny.

And saw that ass.

"Goddamnit!"

Harry hit his head on the table.

**_'My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours. Damn right, it's better than yours. I'd teach you, but I'd have to charge.'_**

Flint was shouting orders to the Slytherins, Pansy was already blazing, Nott was discussing the playlist with the DJ, and Blaise was taking a shot of whiskey with Draco.

"Guys? I just want to let you know, that I think this is going to be an awesome party, and don't tell me to think ra-tion-ally until tomorrow morning when you're holding my hair away from the toilet, 'kay?" Pansy rambled, and the two boys laughed.

"Alright baby, just save some shit for the rest of us okay?" Blaise winked as the lights went down.

Nott had done a brilliant job setting up the Room with enough lights to cause a seizure to any epileptic in the vicinity.

'_I know you want me, I made it _

_obvious that I want you too. So put it on me,_

_let's remove the space between me and you.'_

The music was already blaring and people had already begun showing up.

'_Oh hell, this is going to be one fuck of a night.' _Draco thought, with a smile.

**_'Please excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but tonight I'm lovin' you.'_**

Harry showed up with Ron and Hermoine in tow, and the party was in full motion. The Patil twins were each kissing one of Seamus's cheeks as he smoked, Blaise had pushed some Ravenclaw up against a wall and was desperately eating her face, Flint was dancing on a table drunk, and Malfoy was nowhere in sight. Anyone who wasn't smoking or drinking specifically was out dancing in the middle. The black and flashing lights made it near impossible to tell who-was-who in the crowd, and people loved it. All girls had dressed particularly skimpy, and most guys were jealous. The temperature seemed to be well over normal heat levels. The blaring music was disorienting, almost more so than the alcohol or cloud of marijuana.

"Hey baby, wanna hook up with me and Mary Jane…?"

"Sergeant Johnson wants to meet you! He lives in my pants…"

"Uhh, yeah… HARDER."

Harry cringed at all the random hollers he heard, until someone stuffed a blunt in his mouth. Being an amateur, he coughed heavily, but seemed very receptive to the drug. The night became a blur; time was counted in shots, and space was consistent with smoke and flashing lights. The brunette nearly fell over, but was caught by a familiar figure.

"Malfoy…?"

"Jeez Potter, maybe you should have Ginny around you, you look awful." Draco laughed loudly, clearly feeling the effects of the chemicals around him. Like the blonde expected, he felt alive, able to overcome anything, even if his father barged in at that very second. That is why Draco smoked, and drank. The Dark Lord and Lucius did little for his mental stability. Being around people like his aunt Bellatrix did nothing to help either. Draco was not surprised that Potter looked like he was having a good time.

'_If I was the most wanted boy in the underground wizarding world, this would be heaven for me too.'_  
>Malfoy dragged Harry out, and sat him in a secluded area, away from much of the noise and infectious smoke. The two sat there for approximately a half hour, dazed, until Harry reached some of his senses.<p>

"Draco, you guys didn't lace the pot right?" Harry asked drowsily.

Surprised at the use of his first name, the blonde responded, "No, we actually didn't this time. _Potter._"

The tone was joking with a biting edge.

'_If you really want more, scream it out louder._

_Get it on the floor, bring out the fire._

_And light it up, take it up higher._

_Gonna push it to the limit, give it more.'_

Suddenly, Harry stood up and reached out his hand. Draco looked at it confused, until Harry half-yelled, "Come on you bastard, dance."

Malfoy laughed and took his hand, forgetting about previous grudges, and noticing the awkward bulge in Harry's pants.

'_Now, when did that get there?'_ He though coyly.

They both made their way back into the center of the crowd. With Draco leading, the crowd seemed to part and mold around the two of them. Harry could have sworn he saw Ron and Hermoine snogging as he pushed by, but he was too inebriated in the fumes to investigate. Not only was the atmosphere intoxicating, but when Draco started to move, Harry felt as if he was melting.

'_Oh Merlin's beard, I don't know how to dance.'_

Luckily for Harry, Draco took over and melded his body to the dazed youth. They began moving to the filthy beat, and their limbs became loser as time wore on. The Slytherin began to cup and massage Harry's boner through his pants, as their motions became little cogs in the sea of horny teenagers. Feeling as if he should do something, the Boy who Lived pulled a Death Eater in for a hot and heavy kiss. While getting felt up, and making out with the pale boy's talented mouth, Harry felt like a God.

Draco, experiencing the same symptoms, relished the taste of his enemy in his mouth, and he began to unzip the zipper, leading to his prize. Noticing, Harry stopped, and whispered,

"Hey _Malfoy_, did you Snakes plan any separate rooms in this place?"

"Hey _Pot-Head._ I don't know, but I know a place we can go instead."

Slightly confused, but willing to follow, once again Harry was pulled along, away from the smoke and shots. Next thing he knew, he was being pushed up against the wall in a stall of the bathroom.

"Kinky."

Malfoy simply winked and attacked Harry's neck, marking him. Harry moaned, and the platinum haired boy ripped open Harry's shirt, button by button. As he began sucking on exposed nipples, Harry's moans became louder.

"_Draco…"_

"What do you want _Harry?"_

"You…"

"I know."

Had either of them been less high or smashed, or both, one of them would have stopped, and slapped the other. However, since they were a messy goop of teenage sweat and desire, neither even stopped to question. Draco went on his knees and pulled down Harry's zipper, with his teeth.

"You slut." Harry smirked dreamily.

"You like it _Harry._"

At the sound of his name, Harry groaned and arched his back as Malfoy began stroking his straining cock. The groans and moans of Harry became yelps and yells as his counterpart on the floor dipped his head in to lick the underside, along the sensitive vein.

"The Weasel-ette didn't do this for you? Such a shame…" Malfoy winked, as he swallowed Harry's dick.

Not even replying, the brunette stood, gripping the back of soft almost-white hair.

'_They weren't kidding. His blowjobs… Holy shit.'_

As deep-throating came into play, Harry only gave a small "Drac—" before he came into his mouth. Embarrassed that little time had elapsed, Malfoy swallowed and licked his lips, effectively shutting up any apologies from Potter.

"I'm sorry, let me do you…" Harry said tentatively.

"No need, bend over." An evil glint was in Malfoy's eye, and Harry didn't dare disobey. As he bent over, he heard a pant zipper unzip, and a lubrication spell. Scared, he turned around and saw a smirking Slytherin hovering over his hole. As he began to lick and kiss around, Harry felt blood returning to his nether regions. He then yelped, as an unfamiliar intrusion came from behind. Using one finger, Draco began loosening Harry up with the wet appendage. After two fingers were added, Draco curled his fingers and found the magical button that made the other's back bend.

"_Ngh!"_

"Be loud _Potter,_ no one will hear anyway."

His moans became louder, but turned into desperate whimpers when he felt the fingers withdrawn.

"Draco… What the fuck…" Harry started to turn around when two hands gripped his hips. Something larger than two fingers was at his entrance, and he had a feeling he was going to be in pain. Malfoy smirked slightly sadistically as he pushed in. Harry squirmed and let out a very loud moan, almost screams.

"Shit so tight…"

"No fucking duh! Two fingers would NOT prepare me for that!" Harry yelled as he waited for the pain to subside… '_This would be so much worse if I wasn't already high or drunk…'_

Draco started to move, slowly and 'nice' at first before he heard Potter's grunts of pain turn into slight pleasurable noises, and then began to slam into him.

"_Draco!_" Harry yelled, and he gripped the back of the toilet he was nearly straddling, pushing back on the amazing cock that was painfully pummeling into him. Harry moved his foot onto the toilet rim, and Draco changed his angle, right towards the brunette's prostate.

In essence, Potter was seeing stars. He reached down to stroke his second-time erection, as Draco's grunts and thrusts became harder. Finally, Harry came hard with a loud shout, and Draco followed some time thereafter.

"Holy fuck Draco, you are good in bed."

With a satisfied smirk, he replied "maybe next time you'll be able to top, who knows, _Potter._"

"Wow. You guys, good show."

Harry and Draco whirled around to see Pansy and Blaise standing right behind them, eyeing the both of them lustily.

"Draco, Flint is looking for a fuck, and so is Nott… Plus a shit-ton of other people, but I'll just tell them you're busy… Next time, you might want to shut the door. Just saying!" and with a last wink she ran off with Blaise dragging along, still in a daze.

"_Fuck,"_ thought the both of them.

**_'I do this just for kicks, just for the thrill; I got this high without taking a pill. This move has got me way over the sun; I'm dancing like I'm the only one.'_**

The next morning, everyone was beyond hungover. Classes were missed and teachers suspicious, but as usual, no proof could be found. Draco hung his head over a bowl while holding Pansy's hair as she vomited into the toilet.

"Did you really have a threesome?" Draco asked queasily.

"Apparently someone got a picture, so I guess I'm screwed… I hope Snape doesn't see it…"

Draco puked again.

No worse nor no better was Harry that morning, collapsing in Ron's bed (who had snuck into Hermoine's) and waking up rushing to the bathroom, he vaguely remembered hazes, bottles, and a toilet seat? His ass hurt like hell too…

'_What happened last night?'_ thought both Draco and Harry.

Both of their questions were answered when the mail came; Pansy had sent them both a picture fucking, over the toilet.

Classy.

End

Marijuana and large consumptions of alcohol are incredibly unhealthy. So is fucking over a toilet seat. Please, don't try any of this at home. Maybe. *Wink.*

By the way, the sex was short because drunken/high sex is short. End of story. :)

Sergeant Johnson - Penis

Mary Jane - Slang for Marijuana


End file.
